If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
