I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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