I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
