she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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