You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
