Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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