Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
