Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
