I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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