We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
