whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
