he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
