i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
