do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
