Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
