Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
