is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
