Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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