I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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