Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
