sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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