it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
