Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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