You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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