He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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