You can't special order awesome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
