I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
