Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
