i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
