all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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