Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
