took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
