I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
