youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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