If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
