she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
