How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
