Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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