their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
