Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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