wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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