Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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