why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
