So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
