Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
