I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
