Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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