Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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