we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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