ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
