I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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