And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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