Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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