We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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