I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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